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Loss and Recovery
When I was in Vietnam as an infantryman with the 199th Light Infantry Brigade, a friend of mine, Bill McCarron, who was the most good-natured and pleasant guy I have ever known, was killed in combat.
He was shot by a dying North Vietnamese Army (NVA) soldier lying hidden in the grass in the waning moments of a fire fight. After killing Bill with a burst, the NVA was himself killed by Lt Sam Kelley, our platoon leader.
Bill left behind a fiancée named Susan Hurley. She wrote a heart-rending letter to the platoon, and I responded with a letter from the guys. Many years later, I reconnected with the men of the platoon and Sue.
Sam Kelley, as it happened, was long haunted by the death of one of his men. He contacted Sue years after coming home and stayed in touch with her. When I came on the scene again, Sue wrote to Sam and I a gripping account of what happened to her after Bill was killed.
At the time, I was writing a memoir of my Vietnam tour, called Vietnam Revisited.
Bill McCarron.
I asked Sue if I could include her letter in the book, and she agreed. What follows is an excerpt from the memoir that includes the letter.
In recent days, Sam Kelley, a leader of Recon, forwarded to us two letters from Susan Hurley, the fiancée of Bill McCarron at the time he was killed in Vietnam. Now long happily married, with a family, she holds the distant memory of “My Billy” in her heart. She had read my account of Bill’s death in a recent anthology of Vietnam War stories. In the letters, she gives a stirring account of tragic loss and triumphal recovery.
To quote:
Thank you, Sam, for sending me the story (of Bill’s death).
My heart is heavy and my tear-stained face has brought me back in time. I have a hard time thinking this is 45 years later. The memory feels fresh and the pain in my heart is always there.
I remember the day when we were told of Billy’s death. I was 19 years old. I came home from work and felt this need to visit Billy’s mom and dad. We were just sitting down to dinner – Billy’s brother and sister were fighting over who would get to sit next to me – Kathleen was 12 and Brian was 10, and I was the best thing in their lives – when the doorbell rang.
The kids ran to the door; I looked out the window. I could see a priest and two Army uniforms. The dreaded news was brought to us. As the priest started to talk, I screamed and fell to the ground. “No, no, this can’t be happening!”
From that day, I never went home. I stayed at the McCarron’s, awaiting the day that Billy would arrive home. When we finally got him home, people came in droves to pay their respects. I was angry for a long time… Kathleen had a very hard time dealing with Billy’s death, as we all had. I took some comfort from letters I received (both Sam and I wrote to her while in Vietnam), which I still have.
It brought closure to know the details of how he was killed. I was so grateful, because not knowing what happened that day would have haunted me for the rest of my life.
Years passed. I was depressed and had gone into hiding for months. I had to go on with my life, as I knew Billy would have wanted. One day, a friend made me go out for drinks with her. Soon, I met someone who had just got out of the Navy. A few years later, we were married. I was so lucky to have the support of all the McCarrons, who loved my husband Tommy and made him a part of their lives.
To this day, I feel Billy is always with me. My husband had Billy’s engagement ring made over in a different setting, so that I can wear it always. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think or talk about him. My husband has no problem with that! I was blessed twice with men who are wonderful and who have loved me.
We were also very lucky this way: When Billy was sent home, I got to see his face, and got to kiss him for the last time. The casket wasn’t closed. He seemed to be sleeping – at peace! I was able to leave my lipstick-stained kiss on his handsome face.
Thank you, Sam, for reaching out to me,
Sue
She honors Bill, of course, but there is in the letters, also, a celebration of herself, her growth, the richness of her humanity. And there is a proclamation, too, of the wonderfully loving relation-ship she has with her husband Tommy.
Bill has enriched their lives together.
More photos from the platoon:
Recon Platoon.
Biographical Details
Submitted From: Inver Grove Heights, MN
Primary Location During Vietnam: Xuan Loc, Vietnam 
Story Subject: Family
This submission is part of Stories of Gratitude.
Go to the collection.
Story Themes: Correspondence, Death and Loss, Family, Inver Grove Heights, Memorial, Patrick O'Regan, Read, Relationships, Reunion, Susan Hurley, Xuan Loc
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