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long strange trip

I entered military service in july 1968. Basic training at ft campbell ky for 9 weeks. I then went to infantry AIT at ft lewis wash.

I went to vietnam in dec 1968. While in vietnam my unit was based in the Mekong delta.

Verdant field in foreground, thatched roofs of a village in background.

We conducted combat operations (sweeps, patrols, and ambushes. We were mechanized infantry but also did some riverine operations and airmobile assaults.

I came home in dec 1969.

I knew we were not in a popular war and consequently i talked very little about what i did.

I married, started a career, and had two children. I drank heavily and used drugs. I didn't realize why. This cost me my first marriage. I sobered up in 1978 and have been sober since then. This still never righted the ship. 

I always felt different from my peers. I couldn't experience the emotions they felt. I stayed away from crowds. Every time i drove by a sqampy area it brought back memories of vietnam. Moving toward a woodline across a swamp or rice paddy was nerve racking. You didn't know if you were walking into a trap or not.

Young soldier standing with hands on hips amid palm trees.

Most often in combat nothing happened but the odds usually caught up and the enemy was waiting. In these instances we took casualties and engaged in firefights. 

These were the most intense feelings i could ever describe. There is nothing I've ever experienced since that had so much intensity.  

We also encountered many booby traps on our patrols. These caused the majority of our casualties. Some resulting in death. I lost friends in this manner.

I could not get close emotionally to those who loved me and lost another marriage due to that.

I went to the VA in 2003 on the recommendation of a fellow vietnam vet. I was evaluated and found to have PTSD i was placed on medication which has helped.   

My wife was asked to write a paper and send it to my vet rep describing my quirks and habits. What i thought as normal normal people don't do.

I have a tremendous startle response, I'm always aware of who and what is around me. I do not sleep well and have panic attacks many nights. Nightmares do happen but not regularly. 

I have seen counselors over the years but my best therapy is getting together or calling fellow infantry friends who understand what i experience.

I was awarded a service dog a year ago and she has been my constant companion. She has given me something to take my mind off me.

I ultimately met a woman in 1999 who took the time to understand me.

I wish help had been available when we came home. Perhaps some of the pain could have been eliminated. 

When i was younger i immersed myself in work and was a distance runner for many years. That was my therapy. Now that I'm retired i have more time to think of past events and it's not easy. I have arthritis so i no longer run. I ride an exercise bike and do calisthenics to stay fit. 

I was awarded a service dog a year ago and she has been my constant companion. She travels everywhere with me and my wife. She has given me something to take my mind off me. She senses my panic attacks and helps calm me down when i have one. 

Life has been a struggle. I've thought many times about having done things in a different way but i don't believe I'd change much.

I believed in my country in 1968. We weren't welcomed home like our ww2 fathers but what we did wasn't our fault. We were instilled with a sense of patriotism inherited from our fathers and went to do our duty.  

Soldiers neck-deep in water, crossing a canal.

The back of my head in a canal crossing.

The country is different now. We're now appreciated. I hear, "thanks for your service" all the time. The first was in 1992 at a Target store. A lady approached my truck which had vietnam vet plates and asked if i were a vietnam vet. I cringed thinking she'd say something negative but she thanked me and shook my hand. I was thrilled. I'll never forget that.  

In recent years I've started wrarind a vietnam vet hat. I'm finally able to show my pride and feel proud. It was a long time coming and a ling strange trip.

Biographical Details

Primary Location During Vietnam: Tan An, Vietnam Vietnam location marker

Story Subject: Military Service

Military Branch: U.S. Army

Dates of Service: 1968 - 1970

Veteran Organization: vietnam veterans of america

Unit: 9th infantry division 2/47 infantry

Specialty: 11c

This story is part of the Mental Health Awareness story collection.
Learn more.

Story Themes: 1968, 1970, 1979, 9th Infantry Division, Addiction, Animals, Army, Booby Traps, Charlie Timp, Coming Home, Isanti, Mekong Delta, PTSD, Read, Relationships, Reunion, Service Dog, Tan An, Vietnam Veterans of America, VVA

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