A Minnesota PBS Initiative
From Volunteer! To Why?
Prelude:
The Air Force provided travel from Gulfport Mississippi to Vietnam. Other than refueling stops in Kodiak, Alaska and the Philippines, the 24-hour flight was uneventful, but certainly memorable.
The silence, apprehensiveness and pensive ambiance were palpable.
We were sobering up from the reckless last night in America of drunken revelry and dangerous behavior…what did we have to lose? I was one of 86, the first flight from my battalion (NMCB 74) to land in Vietnam.
The pilot announced we were about to land; his warning was without any specific precaution…most of us had flown and were familiar with flight landing protocol. This landing was DIFFERENT.
The air field approach plan was to sustain sufficient elevation beyond small arms fire range to avoid the obvious and to dramatically and literally dive onto the landing surface fast and hard. The experience was as dramatic as the first and highest rollercoaster drop.
I could not have imagined the realities that awaited… the rear of the plane opened and almost immediately the quality and temperature of the air was significantly compromised. A tsunami of putrid, pungent, contaminated “air” enveloped us. Air with 90% humidity and a 90-degree temperature, the smell, humidity and temperature combined with the fact that we were being reissued our M16’s caused me to concede that I was in Vietnam and this was serious.
All I could do was pray to God that I was adequately prepared.
Master Chief Gray.
Following a pre-dawn LP (listening post) stationed several hundred meters beyond our camps outer perimeter I was ordered to ride shotgun for Master Chief Gray, circa 11-1967.
Destination:
Regimental Command
Mission/purpose:
Classified....
(beyond my pay grade!)
Chief Gray was the ranking battalion NCO serving in battalion intelligence command, “H” Company, Naval Construction Force. I dutifully followed the order and made certain our Jeep was gassed and landmine “protected” with floorboards, hood and rear seat meticulously packed with sand bags. I also secured a “PRICK” (AN/PRC-25) and most importantly got an extra film canister for my reliable 8mm pocket camera.
Gray and I departed camp at 0800, headed north on the infamous and dangerous Route 1. Our most urgent and immediate concern was the fact that our travel placed us near the northern extent of a Vietnamese refugee camp known by Intel sources to harbor as many as 85% North Vietnam communist sympathizers…described as friendly by day and hostile aggressors by night.
The chance of sniper fire was low based on the fact that we represented an inconsequential target, not considered to be “valuable”. We were viewed as a “waste” of limited munitions, which were conserved for high valued targets such as multiple vehicle troop munitions and supply convoys.
Our destination was approaching as was my window of opportunity to raise an urgent question for Chief Gray to ponder and respond to…seizing this opportunity of both time and the knowledge of an experienced Intel operative, I internally ruminated over the idea of asking, in unambiguous terms, why the fight in Vietnam?
Following what seemed to be an interminable and awkward period of time lapse, Chief Gray with a voice of conspicuous conviction and certitude suggested that I think of Vietnam as a defensive “guard tower” for America against the proliferation of communism...
My expectation was that Gray should possess significant Intel to respond insightfully and authoritatively to the question without compromising his integrity or responsibilities.
In that moment of time I was halfway into my deployment and was becoming increasingly angry, disgruntled, cynical and verbally antagonistic toward a war with a mission that seemed hopelessly failing, unsustainable and worse, interminable.
These thoughts were exacerbated by the unmitigated facts involving: KIA’s, MIA’s, WIA’S and POW’s, pallets of aluminum transport caskets stock piled at the Da Nang air field and reports of anti-war protests and violence escalating back home.
My rumination escalated, dominating my thinking and evoking anger, hopelessness and resentment toward our presence in Vietnam.
Turning toward Chief Gray... "sir, why are we in Vietnam?"
He looked into my eyes with a sense of disbelief and certain that my question was knowingly disrespectful and un-American.
Regarding master Chief Gray’s extraordinary accomplishments; achieving the status of highest-ranking non-commissioned officer is accomplished only with years of dedication, sacrifice, leadership, developing relationships and demonstrating military professionalism. Master Chief Gray personified these attributes and was an exemplary highly respected Navy NCO.
Tango Detachment.
I was struck with anxiety …in the moment my question was seemingly more lethal percussive than incoming sniper fire or a landmine…awkward and uneasy silence ensued....Chief Gray looked away toward Hill 724, silent, pensive.
Two weeks earlier I was offered a one-way ticket home because of anti-war sentiment challenging a lower ranked NCO also attached to the battalion Intel command. Days later I was informed that my anti-US-war stance unequivocally cost me a field promotion.
This news was disappointing; it also implied that personnel higher up were paying attention to my rhetoric of opposition. The gravity of my concerns and the militant voices of others would eventually be realized in the events and evacuation of Saigon in 1975.
Perimeter Guard Tower.
Following what seemed to be an interminable and awkward period of time lapse, Chief Gray with a voice of conspicuous conviction and certitude suggested that I think of Vietnam as a defensive “guard tower” for America against the proliferation of communism similar to the “guard towers” located on our camp perimeter which serve as a defense against enemy aggression.
For a moment, I tenuously embraced the Chief’s declaration as being plausible…his conceptualization of the “guard tower” vis-à-vis the spread of communism was an interesting image...but the Chief’s concept was now in my court for consideration…
I silently argued the premise of his concept and concluded that it is unrealistic based on the brutal realties and ethical quagmire of the WAR. In an instant I was reminded of the KIA’s, MIA’s, WIA’S and POW’s, pallets of aluminum transport caskets and anti-war protests at home.
Sidebar: when I returned home and attended classes at the University of Minnesota, circa 1969, the anti-war protests were a daily occurrence causing limited access to the campus resulting in suspension of classes and a “lock-down”. My emotional fortitude was challenged; I was aware of the social, ethnic and economic “selectivity” of this wars soldiers, warriors, and heroes and the remnants of the war as seen daily at the Veterans Medical Hospitals and Clinics. Furthermore the 1975 television images of the evacuation of Saigon are etched in memory and renaming Saigon to Ho Chi Minh City in the honor of the revolutionary leader Ho Chi Minh was stunning and profoundly symbolic of our “withdrawal and defeat”. The reunification of North and South Vietnam eradicates the politically historic and military significance of the DMZ. In retrospect my challenge to Master Chief Gray and my anti-war rhetoric has not been vindicated and will remain disrespectful. The once longest US war failed to achieve its objectives to defend and underpin the sovereignty of South Vietnam and repel the proliferation of communism.
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We arrived at our destination and parked the Jeep at the apex of a “U” shaped gravel driveway in front of regimental headquarters. Chief Gray pulled himself out of the Jeep and preceded toward the building to execute the orders he was charged with.
With an unobstructed morning sun, 17 degrees north of the equator, I tossed my helmet toward the rear seat and stripped off my shirt, removed my boots and socks and loosened my belt buckle. I than adjusted my body to conform to the seats and hood with sand bags providing the resting spots, all of which was organized to maximize exposure to the sun and my comfort…moments into my day-dreaming, eyes closed and imagining what my fiancée and family were doing back home….
A loud authoritative threatening voice abruptly stole my blissful moment by barking out the fact that I was “out of uniform and disorderly” (that is my appearance and slovenly/slothful posture). The Officer requested name, rank, serial number and the nature of my business…
“Sir! I’m nothing more then a “shotgun” for Master Chief Gray who is conducting business inside” gesturing toward the building. The officer walked away threatening to “write me up!”
The volunteer!
I am comfortable with my decision to have enlisted, I have reconciled my thoughts, actions and anti-US war sentiment by completing my obligation with honorable service to my county and the Navy Seabees.
I am grateful for the training, challenges, the unique opportunities, the rigors of military discipline/decorum, the camaraderie and the distinction of being a Vietnam Veteran!
The Why?
The brutality of the war became crystal clear when the measure of success or failure was not based on “taking” territory, but on “body count”. Escalation of anti-war protest, increasing violence and property damage back home had become sadistic evidence that a significant portion of the US population was seriously challenging the validity of our continued “fight” in Vietnam. I/We remain profoundly saddened by the losses our country endured during the Vietnam War.
So Why?
The premise for our involvement; the ethical, moral, strategic, economic, geopolitical and proliferation of communism once viewed “credible” and determined to be significant threats were sufficient rationale to commit US blood and treasure.
The reality however was that the rationale for war was not sustainable, absent any clear understanding of victory or defeat. Battle lines meandered capriciously, troop morale waned, leadership was challenged, the mission was increasingly ambiguous and the “news” from home regarding the war and racial turmoil was distressing. Mission fatigue was pervasive and a war without a definitive end was impossible to fight and achieve victory!
Biographical Details
Submitted From: St. Paul, MN
Primary Location During Vietnam: Vietnam 
Story Subject: Military Service
Military Branch: U.S. Navy
Unit: Naval Construction Force
Michael J. Gair, EAD3.
Story Themes: 1964, Dissent, Evacuation, First Impressions, Michael Gair, Naval Construction Force, Navy, Read, Reflection, Revelry, Saigon, Saint Paul, St Paul
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